Roxane Gay: “I work too much. Don’t make it an aspiration.”

A reporter asked Roxane Gay (author of Bad Feminist and Hunger) on Twitter to share productivity and/or time management tips. Being a sucker for such things, I was eager for her response. It wasn’t what I expected, but I loved it anyway.

Roxane Gay - I work too hard. Don't make it an aspiration.

How to be productive

I can get a bit weak-kneed around articles about identifying priorities, eating frogs, spending 80% of the time on 20% of the work, finding motivation, having a growth mindset, doing productivity experiments — all that stuff. My interest in these topics has mostly come from the responsibilities of my day job, but it’s become increasingly relevant to my writing life as well.

There’s something so addictive about tricks and hacks, right? The headlines are just so tempting. I know I’m procrastinating on the next chapter of my novel, but maybe this article will help me figure out how to get to work!

Or maybe not. Maybe what I really need to do is close the tab and get back to work.

I go through cycles of enthusiasm and burnout when it comes to reading about improving my productivity. The first part of the cycle is gobbling up as much as I can, the second part is realizing I’m reading the same thing over and over again, with very little I haven’t read before with every new headline I click, and the third part is realizing I haven’t really applied any of these things to my life in any meaningful way.

Then I take a break to read a mystery or do a crossword puzzle or get absorbed in a series on Netflix, something to relax and get my mind off the notion of being more productive. After all, slacking off can actually help your productivity. And soon enough I’m back at the beginning of the cycle.

A different perspective

I love Roxane Gay’s response because it makes a case against the prevailing enthusiasm for life hacks and time savers. She is where she is now because she works hard, not because she found some secret shortcut. If you read interviews with her about her success, she says the same things:

“You have to be in it for the long haul. Sometimes it takes a lot longer than you thought, but cream rises to the top. It may not rise in the way you want, but it will get there.” (source)

“I just wrote every day all day. I would work on other things certainly, there were times when I needed to step away and clear my head and clear my heart a little, because of the intense nature of it, but I became fully immersed in the character and her circumstances.” (source)

“Finally, there came a time when I decided to ignore all the advice I had read and do the only thing I know how to do, which is write. I wrote what I felt like writing, when I felt like writing, how I felt like writing.” (source)

“Slowly but surely, I started to find my voice. And the more I found my voice, the more easily I was able to publish my work.” (source)

“I write like no one is going to read it so that I have the courage to put the difficult words on the page. It’s a very elaborate delusion.” (source)

It’s a consistent message, and one that feels directly aimed at me. There are no easy answers. The answers are effort, time, courage, immersion, focus.

“Don’t make it an aspiration.”

I’ve been thinking a lot about that line. The problem is, that is my aspiration. Hard work. Sacrificing the things that don’t matter anyway. Finding my voice through consistent practice and focused determination.

Is there any other way? I’m not sure there is. Can someone write a list about that and give it a headline I can’t resist? Something like “10 Ways to Become an Amazing Writer Without Putting in the Work.” Actually, don’t worry about it. I’m sure it already exists.

Put in the work

For writers, it’s not about finding shortcuts or the easiest way to get from point A to point B. It’s about working hard. Putting in the hours. Learning from every sentence written and rewritten and every word deleted and rearranged. As Samuel Beckett wrote in “Worstward Ho”: “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” Life hacks won’t make you a better writer.

A Necessary Autumn

Cape Spear, Newfoundland, Canada

Cape Spear, Newfoundland, Canada

Very little grows
on jagged rock.
Be ground.

Be crumbled,
so wildflowers will come up
where you are.

You’ve been stony for too many years.
Try something different.
Surrender.

From the poem “A Necessary Autumn Inside Each” by Rumi, found in One-Handed Basket Weaving: Poems on the Theme of Worktranslated by Coleman Barks.

Yaa Gyasi’s Writing Desk

In a recent essay at The Guardian, Yaa Gyasi (author of Homegoing) describes her anxiety awaiting the delivery of her new writing desk. It’s not just a desk, but an important part of her writing practice. It allows her to get down to work.

“Now, instead of discipline, I have a desk, and every day that I sit at it I dig a little deeper. At some point, I get deep enough that suddenly, amazingly, I find it — the great rush of water that I had hoped and pleaded for.”

I have a writing desk too. I bought it about a month before starting the first of the two novels I wrote this year. I’m certain that desk had a lot to do with the hundreds and thousands of words I managed to write over the following few months. Sitting down at that desk with a cup of coffee was that first step I needed to get typing. It doesn’t make the writing any easier, but it helps me get down to work.

My writing desk

My desk is very small. It holds only a plant, my laptop, a mug of pens and pencils, and a small stack of books and notebooks I like to have handy. Sometimes it gets a bit messy with extra notebooks and writing utensils, depending how creative or overwhelmed I’m feeling about my writing and about my life, but I don’t have bookshelves or cupboards or filing cabinets nearby. There are only three small drawers, just big enough to tuck away my morning pages journal and sticky notes and extra bookmarks and a spare charger and a deck of cards.

The magic of place

What is it about place — just a desk, made of mere wood or metal or plastic — that is so important to the writer? There seems to be magic in where they choose to write and emptiness everywhere else.

And it’s not just desks. At Poets & Writers, Alexandra Enders explores the unique and often exacting requirements of many authors, from Marcel Proust in bed (along with many, many others!) to Andrew Motion at a glass table surprising himself with the crossing and uncrossing of his own legs, to Maya Angelou working in hotel rooms with all decorations removed. Joan Didion sleeping in the same room as her manuscript. Ernest Hemingway (and others) standing up. Enders examines the peculiarity of writers being sometimes so fussy about their environment and at other times so oblivious to what goes on around them.

Perhaps once the writing has begun and the writer disappears into their work, the place itself doesn’t matter anymore. But disappearing into the work can be the hardest thing the writer does all day.

Perhaps it’s not so hard if the place is right. If all the requirements are met, the place itself can transport the writer to that other place. The other place where it’s possible to bring out of themselves and onto the page whatever it is they are trying to say.

Yet there is something strange in the idea of needing a space so precisely meeting your requirements in order to become so immersed in your work that you’re almost not in the world at all.

In search of a place

Although my desk has served me well this year, I don’t sit at it every day anymore. It makes me anxious now, for some reason. Perhaps because I’m not putting in the work I know I should be. Often I’ll write at the dining table or on the couch in the living room or in the chair in the bedroom. Sometimes even in bed, on my phone, typing unblinkingly in the dark. But it’s not the same.

What’s your writing space like? Or are you still in search of one, like I am?

Two Novels, One Year

Although the sum total of words I’ve written over the last 20 years would fill several books, before this year I hadn’t completed a novel since NaNoWriMo in 2002. But lightning struck in 2017, and suddenly, like a blazing forest fire, I burned through two novels. One between February and May and another between May and July. Nothing significant had changed in my life. I still had a husband, a full-time job, other hobbies, a mortgage to pay. So how on earth did this happen?

Credit for my surge in writing productivity is due to three excellent teachers. I’ve never taken a course with them or visited them during office hours, but I still consider them teachers. I’ve learned so much from them, although I still have a long way to go.

Books, podcasts, personal essays about the craft and life of a writer have always sustained me. They’ve given me clarity, inspiration, and hope, but rarely a clear sense of direction. But something clicked with these three writers and set me down a new path.

Jessica Abel

The toughest part of writing stories for me has always been narrative and plot. The idea of a character going on a journey or two characters falling in love or whatever seemed like an impossible place to start writing. I prefer atmosphere, experimentation, creative turns of phrase, bizarre settings, and inscrutable characters as the means of finding my way into a story.

But even when I’d found my way into a story, sustaining it over thousands of words and dozens of chapters was a challenge. There were too many ways to make things happen, too many choices to make, too many paths to take. I didn’t know how to decide what would happen next.

Out on the Wire by Jessica AbelOne of my breakthroughs came as a result of Jessica Abel’s podcast Out on the Wire about the principles of storytelling. The main episodes walk you through the process of telling a good narrative, focusing on radio but applicable to any medium, and half-episodes use listener submissions to apply the principles. In the second episode, the challenge was to create two things for your story: a focus sentence and an XY story formula.

A focus sentence is: “[Someone] does [something] because [reasons] but [something else that gets in their way].” The key things are: character, action, motivation, conflict. You could make it more granular to show the escalation of somethings that happen, but the idea is to home in on the central conflict.

The XY story formula is more of an elevator pitch: “I’m doing a story about X… and it’s interesting because Y….” It forces you to distill the story down into a simple phrase and discover why it’s so interesting, to you and to your readers.

The idea is not that you write these and voila, suddenly you have a plot. Instead, they’re intended to prompt deeper thinking. You might need several iterations to get to what you really want to write about. Keep drilling down into what makes the story interesting and what’s truly important.

These tools seem pretty easy to use, right? Well, it was tough for me. It was nearly opposite to the way I normally approached my writing. But it was enough of a boost that I was able to take some ideas I was tooling around with and apply them to a structure. I began to see my own work much more clearly.

Robert McKee

Story by Robert McKeeI first heard about Robert McKee via Adaptation., an insightful and hilarious film about a writer struggling to adapt a book to film. I was surprised to learn from my husband that the profane and bombastic McKee was a real person and had written a book, Story. Its primary audience is screenwriters, but I think it’s an essential text for storytellers. 

I read it last year over the course of a beautiful summer and early fall. When it wasn’t too hot and sunny, I would take a break from work and stand on the patio in the sun, catching a break from the air conditioning in the office. I read it on my phone and tried not to highlight every other sentence I read. Story is full of insights into what readers expect and deserve and what it takes to be a storyteller. Some examples:

“The storyteller’s selection and arrangement of events is his master metaphor for the interconnectedness of all the levels of reality — personal, political, environmental, spiritual. Stripped of its surface of characterization and location, story structure reveals his personal cosmology, his insight into the deepest patterns and motivations for how and why things happen in this world — his map of life’s hidden order.”

“You may think you’re a warm, loving human being until you find yourself writing tales of dark, cynical consequence. Or you may think you’re a street-wise guy who’s been around the block a few times until you find yourself writing warm, compassionate endings. You think you know who you are, but often you’re amazed by what’s skulking inside in need of expression. In other words, if a plot works out exactly as you first planned, you’re not working loosely enough to give room to your imagination and instincts. Your story should surprise you again and again. Beautiful story design is a combination of the subject found, the imagination at work, and the mind loosely but wisely executing the craft.”

“Self-knowledge is the key — life plus deep reflection on our reactions to life.”

The most important thing I learned from McKee is the idea that in order to move your story forward, your scene need two elements. First, the values at stake in your story need to shift between positive and negative. Second, this shift needs to happen through conflict.

“Look closely at each scene you’ve written and ask: What value is at stake in my character’s life at this moment? Love? Truth? What? How is that value charged at the top of the scene? Positive? Negative? Some of both? Make a note. Next turn to the close of the scene and ask, Where is this value now? Positive? Negative? Both? Make a note and compare. If the answer you write down at the end of the scene is the same note you made at the opening, you now have another important question to ask: Why is this scene in my script?”

Is this a basic thing that every writer is supposed to know? Some writers are probably born with this idea already built in, right? Well, I wasn’t. I’m still working on actually putting this into practice, scene by painful scene. In the meantime, I’m keeping this book close to hand as I start revisions.

“Values, the positive/negative charges of life, are at the soul of our art. The writer shapes story around a perception of what’s worth living for, what’s worth dying for, what’s foolish to pursue, the meaning of justice, truth — the essential values.”

I also have McKee’s more recent book Dialogue which I have yet to crack. It sounds even more specific to filmmaking, and a bit hyper-specific, but I’m looking forward to the day I get to it.

Annie Dillard

I don’t know what it is about Annie Dillard, but she is amazing. The Writing Life might be the most important book on this list. Relatedly, I’ve also revisited Alexander Chee’s excellent essay “Annie Dillard and the Writing Life” several times. For the snippets of advice she gives the class as well as for Chee’s own beginnings as a writer.

I’d read The Writing Life years ago but picked it up for a re-read on New Year’s Day. One dark, formative morning in February before getting down to work, I read the following passage:

The Writing Life by Annie Dillard“Why do you never find anything written about that idiosyncratic thought you advert to, about your fascination with something no one else understands? Because it is up to you. There is something you find interesting, for a reason hard to explain. It is hard to explain because you have never read it on any page; there you begin. You were made and set here to give voice to this, your own astonishment.”

It prompted me to focus on the part of the story that drew me into it, that fascinated me, that made it unique to me. What astonishment was I trying to give voice to? And that gave me a path inward to a place where the words seemed to come easily.

Your turn

Who are your writing teachers? What books or podcasts or essays or people have influenced your writing life?

A Struggling Writer

Awaiting the next draft

I’m a struggling writer. I finished the first draft of two novels this year. Those two sentences don’t sound right next to each other, do they? But they’re both true. I wrote well over a hundred thousand words between February and July, but today both drafts remain in rough form, sitting in Google Drive, awaiting my attention.

I have extensive notes on the changes I want to make, and I’ve started rewrites on the second story, but it’s a daunting task. Where to start? I’m not sure where I’m going with either novel. I have no idea if they are any good. At the moment, I can’t see the path that will bring me to the next draft.

Besides these two books, I have beginnings and scenes and character sketches for a dozen other novels, scores of short stories, essays and blog posts and flash fiction. I have piles of ideas, document upon document of notes.

But I still don’t feel like a writer

I don’t know if I have what it takes to write a book that I, much less anyone else, would want to read.

I used to write all the time when I was younger. Stories for friends about boys, fan fiction for the shows and books I obsessed over. A personal blog I updated nearly every day, secret diaries, journals written under pseudonyms. I developed alter egos and fictional characters and alternate universes. I wrote the truth with a veneer of fiction, trying to turn appearances on the surface into something that reflected what was happening inside. But it became too revealing, too intimate, too much.

I never stopped writing, but for a long time I stopped wanting to write for an audience. What I write about evolved. My style and tone shifted. The doubt remains, but I’m slowly learning to push past it. I keep asking myself hard questions, and I don’t know any of the answers. What does this story mean? What is it really about? What am I trying to say? But that’s okay. If it were easy, it wouldn’t be so rewarding. So I keep writing.

But it’s not enough just to keep going. I need to constantly get back to basics, relearn everything I think I know, think like a beginner. Like one of William Stafford’s aphorisms about writing from Sound of the Ax“I write not because I understand and want to expose, but because I understand nothing. I experience newness every day and write of it as the first tasting of interest.” I don’t write because I know anything special; I write because I want to figure things out.

Figuring things out

Michel de Montaigne is my favourite example of the person who writes to figure things out. As Sarah Bakewell writes in How to Live: Or, A Life of Montaigne, his essays “have no great meaning, no point to make, no argument to advance.” He argues one side and then the other. He changes his mind all the time. He is always seeking to enlarge his mind; always trying to find another perspective he hadn’t considered before.

I’m afraid of being misunderstood, or being understood too well. Maybe I’ll offend someone or make a misstep. But if I write to figure things out, nothing is set in stone. I’m likely to change my mind tomorrow if, as The Dude might say, new shit comes to light. I might change my mind, and isn’t that a good thing?

So, after a long break from writing online, I’m back. Ampersunder is different from what I’ve ever done before. It’s something new for me, and I’m excited to see what it becomes.

My writing life has been turned inward for many years, and it’s time to change. I’ve spent enough time writing only for myself, appreciating the inspiration and examples of others but not sharing or reaching outward. I’ve been hiding for long enough.


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